I hate that I love you
by Laurenke1
Summary: Harry sometimes hates that he is in love with an impossible man but he never wants to be in love with anybody else. slash


**Disclaimer: I don't own anything of Harry Potter. **

**Note: ****IPod on shuffle and you get this. Inspired and don't laugh, U2 and Celine Dion and Lucianno Pavarotti and Adele. **

**Title: I hate that I love you. **

**Summary: Harry sometimes hates that he is in love with an impossible man but he never wants to be in love with anybody else. **

**Pairing: Harry Potter/Severus Snape**

**Author: Laurenke1**

Harry could feel the dark eyes upon him but he refused to lift up his eyes to meet those of his lover. He was angry, Merlin damn it and he had a right to be. That impossible man had turned him out, again. Harry felt cheap, like a whore. Somebody who only came for sex and then left again. He just hadn't been given the gallons yet for sex but he was sure that it would come to that.

He fumed silently, refusing to meet the Headmaster's eyes. Let Severus be the one to make the first move for once. Harry refused. He had nothing to apologize for. He could understand that Severus wanted secrecy, he could understand that the man didn't want Harry underfoot all the time but Harry was tired of being send on his merry way after they had sex. Especially when Severus wasn't being friendly about it.

Severus was impossible sometimes. He snapped at Harry, reduced him to tears on occasion, like last night, made him so angry that Harry felt like ending their relationship, tryst, whatever it was. But then Severus would get that look and apologize and gather him close and Harry knew that Severus didn't mean those words but he was tired of the secrecy, he loved Severus, surely there was nothing wrong with that.

He argued as fiercely as Severus argued with him and yet he didn't doubt that Severus loved him, even when the man never said those words to him. Harry also knew why Severus didn't say those words but would it hurt to man to stop acting as if he didn't care.

Harry sighed. He wasn't even hungry anymore. All the fighting and arguing always ensured that he wasn't hungry any longer. He couldn't stand tension without his stomach churning uncomfortable. He hated it when Severus acted as though he was back to hating Harry and only using him for sex.

Was that all he was? A fucktoy? But then when Severus allowed his mask to fail and allowed Harry to see his gentle side, he knew why he loved the git.

Harry glanced up sharply as Neville stammered, clearly terrified, sitting opposed him. "Harry...behind you….."

Harry frowned; the only one who managed to reduce Neville to the equivalent of a terrified first year was Severus Snape. He glanced behind him when he felt a tentative hand on his shoulder to see the Headmaster standing behind him.

"A word, please, Mr. Potter?" Harry frowned. When did Severus ever ask something like that? Normally he simply ordered Harry to come with him and Harry better followed or suffers the consequences.

He searched the pale face. Severus looked as though he didn't sleep at all after Harry's words.

_If you keep acting as though you don't want me around and don't care about, then __at least have the courage to end whatever it is between us so I can find somebody who does love me back._

Harry nearly winced at the words he had shouted at Severus yesterday. They had just slipped out because he had been so frustrated. Severus had actually thanked him for the sex and then told him to go back to his dormitory. Hadn't he realized how important it was to Harry to stay the night?

Harry had to know if Severus truly cared about it. It wasn't as if they ever spoke about it. Somehow he had fallen in bed with the older wizard one day and it had progressed from there. Not that he was regretting Severus being his first and only, far from it.

He nodded and Severus looked relieved. The whispers in the Great Hall increased but Harry didn't pay any attention to them. He suspected that last night hadn't been easy for either of them. He had barely slept at all if he was honest.

He rose and followed Severus, wondering where they were going to have this conversation. He frowned when Severus stopped in the Entrance Hall, Harry following him. The older wizard turned to face Harry and took a deep breath and said.

"I apologize for my behavior in the past few months. You do not deserve it. We may never have exchanged promises but you deserve more, perhaps more than I am capable of giving you. I should not have considered your feelings lightly and dismissed them so easily."

"I don't care about what you are able to give, Severus, I care about you but I won't have you using me. If you really want me then…"

"I should just say the word and you will jump into my arms?" That impossible smug smirk twisted the thin lips but Harry could see the hesitation in the dark eyes.

"Well more than one word, yeah… but I meant that you can't hurt me again or treat me like a whore or… I have had enough of that with the Dursleys thank you very much, well not the whore part cause they would never touch me…I want a mature relationship, not just shagging…." Harry was rambling.

"Harry?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut up!" Arms pulled him against a warm body and Harry relaxed. Lips nuzzled his cheek and Harry remembered why he was coming back time and time again. Severus took a deep breath and then whispered so softly.

"I love you."

Harry had to glance up to make sure he heard it right. But the way the dark eyes were glittering made him realize it was real. He stood up and whispered, equally soft. "I love you as well."

And as they kissed the whole hall erupted into clapping and cheering and as Harry glanced up at his lover, he knew that despite their problems, he didn't want to love anybody else but Severus Snape, especially when the man dragged him away for the makeup sex and lots of whispered words of affection.

The end

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